2004 Mothers Day Campaign:
Mothers - The Real Story

Perpetuating Stereotypes

Rugrats - 1st place (37.78%)

Rugrats is a cartoon show meant for kids. It centers around several families, some relatives and some friends, and the various goings-on in their lives. The kids on the show are babies and toddlers. They have many misadventures - as one says, "a baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do."

This show illustrates several of The Seven Deadly Stereotypes.

Didi - Martyr Mom. Didi is obsessed with being the perfect mother - she reads child-rearing books (many by Dr. Lipschitz - an obvious parallel to Dr. Spock), watches videos about the subject and worries constantly about her son, Tommy. Unfortunately, as she worries and reads and watches she often fails to see Tommy take off on his adventures.

Charlotte - Career Crazed Mom. Charlotte tells her daughter, Angelica, that "a corporation is like a big, hungry monster. My job is to find plenty of smaller, weaker monsters for it to eat." She always wears a business suit and has a cell phone glued to her ear. She never goes anywhere without being in constant contact with her faithful assistant, Jonathon. Her contact with her daughter is far more limited, though.

Betty - 24/7 Bliss Mom. The mother of twins, Phil and Lil, Betty is big, loud and tough, but she adores her children. However, she's never ruffled, handling anything kid-oriented that comes her way with equal calm. She is good friends with Didi and makes Didi's worries even more apparent in the face of her coolness.

Kira - Glam Mom. Chas and his son, Chuckie, met Kira and her daughter, Kimi, in Paris. Chas and Kira married and she and Kimi came back to the states with Chas and Chuckie. Kira loves children and she is kind but she has a trendy hairstyle that is never out of place and she's always ready with a great decorating tip.

Without a doubt this show perpetuates stereotypes about women/mothers. It clearly emphasizes the myth that mothers can't have it all - you can't be a career-woman and a good mother. It also shows the idea that some moms can handle anything, encouraging some moms to feel inadequate when they can't. It's particularly unacceptable since it's geared toward children. This shows our children the stereotypes, and thus reinforces them in their minds. Instead we need shows that bust these stereotypes so our kids will want to bust them in the real world.

More about these characters, including pictures, is available at www.cooltoons2.com/rugrats/

Submitted by Elise in Youngstown, OH

Fit Pregnancy Magazine - tied for 2nd place (24.44%)

Glamourous moms grace the cover. The entire publication is full of "Oops, don't do this," or "Do this and you will feel really sexy"...and really tries to sell, sell. The entire tone is one of "Be the right kind of mother. It is all up to you. You can prepare for this."

Glam mom -- 24/7 -- Supermom -- Career Crazed mom

Fit Pregnancy Website

Submitted by Debra in Dallas, TX

Day care and 'Make-Believe Moms' column - tied for 2nd place (24.44%)

Day care and 'Make-Believe Moms'
By J.D. Mullane
Bucks County Courier Times

"You might hear a comment from time to time like, 'Gee, I have to have time to myself,' " he said.

Which is why they are Make-Believe Moms.

Real moms do the heavy lifting of child care, changing diapers, reading stories, teaching colors and numbers and the grunt work of lugging the kids around while running errands and shopping."

This column is an over-the-top example of the Martyr Mom stereotype! Apparently this writer believes that a "Real Mom" (of the stay-at-home variety) must wear her children around her neck 24/7 as some sort of badge of selfless commitment and only deserves a little time for herself if her spouse is willing and able to spell her. And if he isn't, Oh well!

And, hey, J.D. Mulane is attempting to create a whole new deadly stereotype: the "Make Believe Mom" who is, apparently, some New Millennium hybrid of the Bon Bon Eating Mom (at-home mom who spends her days indulging her own selfish, unconstructive needs) and the Career-Crazed Mom (smart, competent woman but cold, heartless mom). Extra black marks to this columnist for striving to start a new Urban Legend!

Read the entire column

Submitted by Jennifer in Lower Bucks County, PA

Debunking Stereotypes

Glamour Magazine - "Having a Baby and a Life: How Will You Do It?" - 1st place (30.00%)

March, 2004 issue, article by Marjorie Ingall

Excerpt:

"‘Once the baby comes, you'll never be the same,’ people tell you, staring at your pregnant belly. It sounds scary, and thrilling. If you’ve spent time perusing the pastel wonderland of the Pottery Barn Kid’s catalog or watching TLC’s A Baby Story (aka The Show Expectant Mothers Find More Addictive Than Crack), you may expect to enter a world in which babies are always cooing; children are grateful for their clean, fresh laundry; and you are bathed in golden light like a Renaissance Madonna. Well, guess what? This is mommy porn. Truth, rather than shimmering idealization, would be a lot more helpful.

"Here’s my truth; I have plunked my two-year old daughter in front of Dora the Explorer so I can answer e-mail. I have had my parenting criticized by a Hell’s Angel. It was a breezy day, and a hefty fellow in black leather informed me that the baby needed a hat. I have felt heartrending envy of our babysitter; the first time Josie held out her chubby little hand and showed me that the sitter had painted her nails, I wanted to sob, ‘I’m supposed to be the one who gets that moment!’ I have woken up on a rainy Saturday and felt a wave of dread: How will I fill the hours? I’ve felt guilty about working even as I’ve flushed with pride seeing Josie walk around with an old computer keyboard, which she bangs on while announcing, ‘I’m working like Mommy!’"

... 

"As for me, I’ve found that the best tonic for ambivalence is bonding with other moms. Together, we can mock the apparent lack of financial problems in sitcom families and commiserate over the ways pediatricians can be clueless. (‘Just go cold turkey on the pacificer? On what planet?’) We laugh at the absurdity of articles in parenting magazines that urge us to buy sexy lingerie. (I do not need a little scrap of silk to have sex; I need eight uninterrupted hours of sleep and a cocktail.) And we tell each other the truth; that we can’t be everything - Supermom, Superwife, Superworker - at once. Remember that, whether you want kids someday or already have them.

"This morning before work, Josie and I cuddled on the couch and read Dr. Seuss, and I buried my face in her hair and all was right with the world. And then came the ultimate mommy-bliss buzzkill: a giant exploding poop that shot up her back and down her leg. But as Josie grinned up at me, screaming ‘I have poop!’ I thought, perfection’s overrated. This messy, mixed-up place my daughter has taken me is actually a pretty great place to be."

I was so surprised and pleased to see this article in Glamour magazine of all places. It challenges so many stereotypes and it’s so unusual to see a magazine like this tell the real story. It challenges the 24/7 Bliss Mom by being willing to talk about poop and sleep deprivation. And by saying it’s okay to be ambivalent about all the stuff that comes with motherhood "Why is it so hard to accept that we can love our children AND mourn our pre-kid freedom?" It also challenges the Supermom and the Bon Bon Mom by talking both about the tough part of working for pay like missing the trip to the zoo with the sitter and the tough parts of not working for pay like feeling like you no longer have value, that you are suddenly "just a mom." Hurrah for Glamour for being willing to talk about the real stories!

Submitted by Margaret in New Jersey

Brain, Child magazine - 2nd place (28.89%)

The editors of this magazine provide in their own description, why Brain, Child is a worthy finalist as a stereotypes buster:

"Brain, Child treats motherhood as a subject worthy of literature. And in the best tradition of literature, it celebrates the diversity of mothers and their styles. Our essays and features address readers as thinking individuals, not just medicine- dispensing, food-fixing, boo-boo-kissing mommies. We think of it this way: When our mothers wanted to hash over the important stuff with their girlfriends, they'd say to us, "Honey, the grown-ups are talking." Brain, Child is like that: the place where grown-ups are talking.

Brain, Child cuts past a lot of the bull to get to the voices that are truest -- not experts, but women who are or have been there. We gave Brain, Child the subtitle "The Magazine for Thinking Mothers," but it could just as easily have been "Motherhood The Way It Really Is." Our writers bring a down-to-earth perspective to traditional and not-so-traditional parenting subjects. And they're willing to address the big questions -- our evolving identities as mothers, for instance, or what we're teaching the next generation."

Magazine website

Submitted by Judy in Portsmouth, NH

Nissan Quest Ad - 3rd place (23.33%)

The ad shows a minivan with the back door open and a "typical suburban mom" standing next to it. Viewers assume that she'll be loading the van up with children and their soccer equipment, as happens in so many minivan ads. However, that's not the case. The image switches to a couple of other young mothers who are loading the van with their own gear. One of them is a hip young woman putting in her surfboard. The tag line says, "Moms have changed--shouldn't minivans?" On the screen a line of text appears which says "Shift Perceptions."

This very nicely busts the Martyr Mom stereotype. I never thought I'd find myself praising a minivan ad (I don't even drive one), but I was pleasantly surprised by the image of mothers shown in this ad. Far from being exclusively focused on their children's needs and activities, the women in this ad have their own passionate pursuits. They don't conform to the usual media stereotypes of downtrodden moms whose lives revolve around their families.

USA Today advertising article with videos of three ads
Article talking about how Nissan is trying to reach "the sexy mom"

Submitted by Martha in Paoli, PA

Other Finalists

9 Chickweed Lane Comic

A great example of the Martyr Mom stereotype/expectation in action to get a laugh.

9 Chickweed Lane site

Submitted by Kristin in Pasadena, CA

Judging Amy TV Show

The character Amy portrays a single mother, living with her mother, working as a judge. She is not perfect. She has challenges at work and at home. She has some quality time with her daughter, but also is jealous of the babysitter whom the daughter loved. (earlier episode). She makes choices that I don't always agree with, but I see her as a realistic human being/mother/woman.

It busts the Career-Crazed Mom and the Super Mom. She tries to balance home life and work life and encounters some difficulties along the way.

Judging Amy official website

Submitted by Amy in Stony Brook, NY

Article about Martha Stewart's Conviction

Women see issues of gender, power at play in Stewart's conviction
BY JANE M. VON BERGEN
Knight Ridder Newspapers

Tierney Communications vice president Kelly Simmons, former owner of an advertising agency specializing in marketing to women, thinks the contrast between Stewart's domestic image and her business actions angered those in power and led them, perhaps subconsciously, to persecute her. "She's no soft woman making fudge in the kitchen. She's a shark in an apron," said Simmons. "She is punished for not being that girly mommy thing that we want her to be."

This comment illustrates the interaction between some of the stereotypes we are watching for. It is a comment on the Domestic Goddess stereotype (that one who conforms to the stereotype is a "soft woman making fudge in the kitchen"). It also points to Martha Stewart as Career-Crazed, and thus cold and uncaring, "a shark". You might argue that part of what Martha must be punished for is that she fails to embody the Martyr Mom, for she certainly does have her own needs and interests, and does seek her own fulfillment. This is what I see in the "girly mommy thing" comment - Martha should not be allowed to be held up as a Domestic Goddess, no matter how skillful she may be in various domestic arts, because she is her own person first, rather than someone's mother first. (Think quick - does Martha even have any children? Do you know?) Her example causes people to experience cognitive dissonance, and that is not well tolerated in our culture.

Read the entire article

Submitted by Joan in Champaign, IL

Edge City comic strip

This is a great example of the Supermom stereotype. It's not a negative example. Instead, it sympathetically illustrates how difficult it is for a mother to juggle work and family, and get everything done to everyone's satisfaction in one lifetime.

Edge City site

Submitted by Martha in Paoli, PA

Roseanne Barr - Living, Doublewide op ed

"Now that Martha Stewart is busy with legal troubles, I was thinking that maybe there'd be room for me to step in and fill the vacuum (I still hate the word "vacuum") with some of my "Domestic Goddess" tips, wit and wisdom. I always figured there was room for both of us, but now, with her possibly going up the river, I figure it's time to elbow my way a little closer to center stage, again. ...

Look, I'm from Utah, the original home of the "Domestic Goddess," and women there could teach Martha a lot about cuisine - especially the finer points of versatile staples like green Jell-O with pears, peanut butter play-dough, crayon cookies and homemade items that you make for 5 cents and have your kids take to the Primary Children's Hospital to give to sick kids.

..."

Unfortunately, her Op Ed is no longer free. Click here to go to the page where you can purchase it for $2.50. (You need to pay $2.50 for the full article, but it’s funny! It’s also been posted to the Advocacy Loop.)

Love her or hate her, Roseanne has been telling her real story about motherhood since her TV show. Who else could be so irreverent and funny while challenging the Domestic Goddess stereotype? Plus she tells a story about working class mothers that is rarely seen in mainstream media. Only Roseanne would talk about wallpapering her trailer with 69 cent contact paper, and "turning the La-Z-Boy at an angle where my husband could see the TV while still getting the full effect of my yelling long before anyone was talking about feng shui."

Submitted by Tracy in Laguna Nigel, CA