A Day in the Life

Statistics and percentages aside, the story of mothers’ lives the Day After is best told in their own words. All the work and activities, the multi-tasking and the feelings surrounding them were most eloquently expressed in mothers’ blow-by-blow accounts of specific time blocks. Here’s a representative sampling from different mothers at different times of the day, which illustrate the love, the sense of accomplishment, the fragmentation, intensity and relentlessness of the job of mothering.

Midnight – 3 am

“It's been such a painful day. My husband and I are continuing a discussion/argument that began earlier today, continued as I drove him to the airport, and is being finished by telephone and e-mail. We are trying to decide whether to split up or stay together; things are looking really, really bad. Now it's 2 am, and I have to clean out my kitchen because I have painters coming in the morning. And I have to get my kids off to school and get myself to work. How am I going to get through this day?”

3 am – 6 am

“It's 5:40 AM. My three-and-a-half-year-old daughter woke up at 5 having nightmares so I went to her room and laid down with her to help her sleep. After she fell asleep I came into the office to check my work email and take care of any urgent items that happened overnight (I work from home). An early start to my day!”

6 am – 9 am

“My guilty secret is how much I love Monday morning. My husband and daughter go back out to their worlds and my house is my castle. My cleaning lady comes and order is restored. She's also become one of my best friends and we gossip and share. So Monday morning I scurry around getting the house picked up and making my daughter help and then I'm back to a life I love that involves working from home at a job I mostly love, with the freedom to knock off for coffee with friends or to walk the dogs.”

9 am – noon

“Arrived to work and went to lactation room for 15 minute pumping session. Then attended to some emails, phone calls before heading into a 10:30AM meeting. Meeting started late since presenter didn't show on time, therefore my mind wandered to my daughter at home with grandparents. Bit anxious since she had horrible diaper rash on Sunday, and I was hoping mom-in-law could give me latest status. Called home and checked on her. Finished meeting and then did about 15 minute socializing with colleagues.”

Noon – 3 pm

“ Spent time trying to get my 4 year old to pick up things he had thrown on the floor because I am tired of doing it, all the while trying to come up with strategies for making this task easier/him more accountable/me less frustrated. Prepped and cleaned up snack. Checked e-mail and responded to messages re: a community arts and crafts faire I am co-planning. Spent some time playing with my son. Spent time wondering where I put our overdue bills, and then trying to figure out how to get them in the mail (which involves a drive to town), give my son a bath, get all the laundry sorted and then started, make dinner, all in the next 2 1/2 hours. Felt overwhelmed because was up late cleaning last night, so likely not strategizing as best I could under better circumstances. Back of mind thoughts are trip planning for a cross-country trip this week.”

3 pm – 6 pm

“Got snack for toddler after he woke up from his nap, chased him around the house in order to change his diaper and clothes; went outside to work in the garden; attempted to transplant herb and flowering plants into the garden while trying to keep child from pulling out the seedlings and stepping on the flowers; not altogether successful in this endeavor; returned to the house to wash hands, son wanted to "do it himself" so I lugged the stepstool to the kitchen sink; while washing his hands he grabbed the sprayer and sprayed water all over the cabinets, counters and floor of the kitchen as well as himself; I had to change his clothes (again) and wipe up all the water. Then he asked to watch a video. I was all too happy to agree. We sat down to watch a 20 minute video and I managed to sneak in a few minutes reading my scrapbooking magazine while making comments about the video I've seen (probably literally) 200 times.”

 “Still at the office and working. Spoke with my husband who conferenced me in with my mother-in-law. Found out my daughter turned over for the first time. Excited but at same time wishing I had been there to witness the event. Worked the rest of afternoon till 5:30PM. At 5:30 starting to prepare to go home. Have a headache and also trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Looking forward to seeing my daughter after my long workday.”

6 pm – 9 pm

“Clean up after dinner. Sit outside on swing with my teenage daughter while reading & napping. Teach my daughter how to drive a manual transmission car while picking up her sister. Mow grass. Discuss kids schedules with my husband—again! Make phone calls.”

 “I got things done and it felt great! Made dinner and picked up my daughter from her after school program. Both kids like meatloaf, so no one fussed. My husband's out of town, so at dinner my kids and I played I Spy, something we haven't done in a long time. We got a little silly and laughed together for a long time. I remember now--this is why I wanted children.”

9 pm – midnight

“Finished cleaning. Did some email. Exercised. Got ready (too late) for bed. Tried to read a few pages.”

“I was talking to my mother-in-law at 9 pm. I was checking emails and trying to fix the font size of my computer (since someone changed it). I was trying to verify flight information for a weekend getaway with my husband next weekend. I tucked in my son when he went to bed. I paid a bill for our truck payment.”

“The only ‘quiet’ time I have to myself seems to be after my husband and daughter are asleep. Not even my sleep time is mine since I am still on call when my almost 3 yr old wakes in the middle of the night (which happens several times a week).”

“Lots of started things that went unfinished today. So after vegging out in front of the TV with my husband to watch something we recorded yesterday, I took a late phone call from my father and helped him with a computer problem. I was able to help him without him getting too frustrated, so that felt good. I loaded dirty dinner dishes in the dishwasher and made ice cream sandwiches for my daughter's preschool class snack tomorrow. This (the computer) is my last stop before bedtime. Though the house is mostly messy and undone, I feel good about getting to those little things before bed. Now I'm off for a rest to prepare for tomorrow!”

“I flip flop between getting the things I need to do, done and getting done what's right in front of me. At times, I feel I walk around with a bucket trying to catch things from falling to the ground. There's always tomorrow.”