Former bank drone, current SAHM and aspiring macher.

That’s what my Twitter profile says. I used to work at bank, its name was a four-letter acronym and most people didn’t know what those letters stood for and it was bought by another acronym with more well known letters. I went out on maternity leave right after the acquisition and never went back. That will be six years ago this April but this SAHM and aspiring macher bought an Amtrak ticket and went to Washington, DC to an iRelaunch conference just to see what my future might look like.

Six years – I haven’t gotten a paycheck in six years. I don’t even bother opening the notices from the Social Security Administration because I am well aware that I have not contributed anything to the system for six years. Six years of Mothers & More, Gymboree classes, long lunches with friends, becoming part of a community, sitting on boards and committees, snuggling, cooking, spending time on Facebook, educating myself. In December 2005 I was very pregnant and dreading getting out of bed every morning to go to a job at that four-letter acronym because I had no idea what was coming next. Would I still have a job, would they try to move me into a different role in a different office, would they change the compensation structure again? I still get tense thinking about the uncertainty. What I am certain of is that even on the worst days I’ve had over the past nearly six years, I have rarely felt the sense of dread I used to feel regularly upon waking. I am, by no means, free of anxiety but the first thing in the morning anxiety, I don’t miss that one bit.

December 2011 – the morning after iRelaunch Return To Work DC. I met women who have been out of the paid workforce for two and three times as long as me. I heard stories of women who found their way back when they were ready and learned a little bit more about myself and what drives me. That’s where the macher part comes in, for those of you who don’t speak Yiddish, a macher is “important person; big shot a ‘mover””. I’m always joking that I want to be a macher when I grow up and in the community I’ve become a part of in these past six years I have a lot of women to look up to. My favorite part of the conference, the skill assessment breakout session. It seems that I like to control things from start to finish and be in the middle of things and people. My local friends can rest easy, I’m still trying to define what would fit my perfect Three C’s (Control, Content, and Compensation – Thanks Amy Gleklen) – I’m not going anywhere and yes, I’d love to have coffee/lunch/cocktails with you. What I am going to start doing is focusing my pursuit of macher-dom on what I did like about my previous paid employment so that when I’m ready to “relaunch”, I find the right landing pad.

I am not being compensated for this post but want to be upfront that as a Mothers & More Senior Manager, I was invited to attend the iRelaunch Return To Work Conference DC as guest.