Nothing struck more fear into some women’s hearts than the oft-posted photo of a group of elderly male politicians caucusing in Washington to decide on the rights of our bodies. Aside from the politics of what they were trying to do, there were no women present at that meeting of the males. It is as we were invisible.
So, this time when the politicos again came a storming at our door, in the guise of the old and tired, “Mommy Wars”, after Hilary Rosen made an inappropriate comment about Ann Romney, “never working a day in her life,” instead of getting divisive we changed the conversation.
We changed the conversation to one of issues not “pass the tissues”. We demanded that government take note that women are 50% of the electoral vote and asked them to stop treating us as a special interest group; we insisted that policies be enacted to support women and mothers; to provide paid family leave, paid sick days, quality and affordable child care, fair wages and end the war on women.
And make no mistake, this is a war on women.
In October of this year, a new ruling to the credit card act Regulation Z went into effect via the Federal Reserve Board and the ruling prevents a woman from getting a credit card in her own name based on her partner’s salary, even if she had a good credit rating prior to making the decision to stay at home. The new rule states that “credit card applications generally cannot request a consumer’s ‘household income’ because that term is too vague to allow issuers to properly evaluate the consumer’s ability to pay. Instead, issuers must consider the consumer’s individual income or salary.” Translation: the partner making the income will need to co-sign if you want a credit card and aren’t working for an income. Shocking, right? This sets women back one hundred years. This also means that women and mothers in abusive relationships have one more layer of control to fight against (and one more way they can be made to feel unequal in the relationship).
Debra Levy, a past Board President of Mothers & More first wrote about the issue back in March 2011 in a guest post on Kristin Maschka’s blog. Kristin is a former Director of Mothers & More and the author of Remodeling Motherhood, which redesigns the concept of “ownership of income for the breadwinner of the family” to that of ‘shared income, based on contributions, paid or unpaid from the members of the family”.
The title of her post was: “Stay-at-Home Moms SHOULD be Mad at the Feds“.
Following Debra’s post, Tara Brettholtz, president of the Board of Directors of Mothers & More, and Gina Earles, the CEO of Mothers & More wrote a letter to Dr. Elizabeth Warren at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau last year expressing their concerns about the ruling. The letter was also sent to the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve.
There was no response.
“Since over 80 percent of women in our nation have children by the time they’re 44 years old, this means the majority of women in our nation are disadvantaged by discrimination at some point in their lives,” As Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner on her blog on www.MomsRising.org.
These are alarming statistics. If we don’t see and shout our value to the world, we will remain invisible, and our work of caretaking, and supporting society and our community will remain invisible.
So who will help women and mothers? If you are looking toward established mainstream journalists, yes, somewhat, but look again. It is the bloggers who will bring forth a new generation of politically involved women (and we have to be involved, it’s a matter of our survival). These woman and mothers in the trenches know what is at stake. Bloggers are giving motherhood and the invisible work of motherhood a voice heard like never before in the history of our culture (since Gloria Steinem, my idol, created Ms. magazine).
Make no mistake. We are in a revolution. At stake: our value, our survival.
I will be working in the next few months and years on ways to give women a voice in government; a voice “around corporate America” policy, and a voice on the national stage. I will be providing tools and specific tips you can follow on how to create the change in your life that you want to see in the world.
In the meantime, there is much work to be done. Join Mothers & More, which touts the value of a mothers work whether paid or unpaid, provides opportunities to connect with like-minded women, and offers chances to give back to the community and economically disadvantaged women through advocacy efforts like Power of the Purse. You can also check out www.MomsRising.org, which highlights the issues and provides links to letters you can sign that go straight to policy makers;. Pay attention to bills on the table that will take away your rights and write to your local congressperson via writing to the United States House of Representatives.
Will you join me? Rise up and be heard. Together women and mothers are powerful!
Estelle Sobel Erasmus is a journalist, columnist, author, blogger, content curator, advocate for mothers’ rights, former magazine Editor-in-Chief (American Breast Cancer Guide, Women in Touch, Woman’s Own, Esthetique, Body by Jake), writer for hundreds of national publications and websites, blogger, social media aficionado, former adjunct professor at NYU and most importantly a mom. She recently read for Listen To Your Mother-NYC. You can like her author page on Facebook and follow her on Twitter at @mommymusings011.
©Estelle Sobel Erasmus, April 2012
Walking quickly down our hall recently, I caught a glimpse of a wrinkled woman in my clothes. I paused at the mirror to confirm that I had seen what I thought I had seen. Sure enough, a pair of glazed and exhausted eyes stared back at me.
“Where’d she come from?” I thought. “What a poser. That woman does not look anything like I feel.”
It’s cliché, I know, but I couldn’t help thinking, “I don’t feel a day older than 25!”
My mind really doesn’t. Actually, my mind feels more vibrant and alive than it did when I was 25. Back then, I was a brand new mother, and although it might not have shown up on a reflection, I felt more aged and exhausted in that period of my life.
During the five years I spent child-bearing, I was sure I was killing off every single brain cell in my skull.
I put my long-term goals for education and career on hold for the arrival and rearing of our children. I often worried that I was sacrificing the one part of my body that I would not be able to rebuild with the deft hands of a plastic surgeon.
I felt like I was losing my mind.
I know there are lots of moms who worry about the mind-numbing experiences of raising young children, but I’m here to assure you that not only are you not killing brain cells, but research suggests that motherhood may actually increase brain growth.
In fact, a small study led by developmental psychologist, Pilyoung Kim, found that the gray matter in the brains of new mothers grew over a very short period of time in the early stages of motherhood. In the 2010 article in the New York Times, entitled “Mother’s Brains are Bigger”, the author celebrates the good news that positive interactions with newborns actually increases the capacity in the brain.
I wish I had known this information when I was grumbling under my breath about the “tasks” of mothering babies. I would probably have benefited even more from this phenomenon if I had embraced the positive interactions rather than letting myself worry about the frustrations I felt about mothering small children.
That might explain the fact that I stood in that reflective mirror for probably five minutes and then wondered what I was rushing through the hall for in the first place.
Oh well, just because I missed my chance to enhance the brain power as a new mom doesn’t mean I can’t exercise it more now, right?
Kim’s group of researchers published their findings in the journal for Behavioral Neuroscience.
Read more from Meagan www.meaganfrank.wordpress.com and http://twitter.com/choosingtogrow.
I love you Wendy Luhabe. I really do. I hadn’t heard of you before I read this article, but now I love you. However, I don’t love this particular reasoning behind your philosophy. Luhabe says that she thinks there should be, “a mommy salary, as a way of giving value to the work of bringing up children, so that it’s not a resentful choice that women have to make.”
And here’s why I don’t love this idea. Money is not going to earn stay-at-home mommies the respect that they deserve. The resentment comes from a belief that stay-at-home mommying isn’t “work.” Like we are all sitting around watching soap operas and drinking wine in the middle of the afternoon. When really, soap opera and wine day is only on Thursdays. No, but really, Luhabe is so right. Mommy-hood is undervalued. But she seems to believe that if the mothers receive money, that it will add value to their role.
You want to give me money to stay at home? Awesome. I will take it. I have been eyeballing a new purse. But the respect, the lack of resentment has to come from me first. We live in a society where money rules in business, but a stay at home mom is sacred. It is not a glamorous job (as many of my vomit stained t-shirts will tell you). It is respected in a quiet way. And as stay-at-home mommies, like working through any new role we take on in life, learning to respect ourselves in a quiet, not monetarily valued way (especially coming from “standard” full time jobs) comes with time.
I guess that my argument lies in the idea that resentment can be paid off. Stay-at-home mommying is hands down the most difficult job that I have ever had. And I worked as a waitress at the Madison Square Garden TGI Fridays. It has three flights of stairs that you have to run up and down all night long, over and over again, carrying very hot plates, and many times the air conditioning wasn’t working.. But I digress. Mommy-hood, most difficult job. Definitely. Paying off resentment in order to buy respect? Not into this so much. I guess, in the end, Wendy Luhabe, I love what you are trying to do. I love the idea that you want more moms at home so that we can build better families. And more than that, you want more happy moms at home.
But really, stay-at-home mommying has rewards that are worth more than 10% of our husband’s salaries. I mean, really, that would be taking a pay cut from what I steal out of his wallet anyway…
Check out the CNN interview with Wendy Luhabe – Why women need a ‘mommy’s salary’.
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