Nothing struck more fear into some women’s hearts than the oft-posted photo of a group of elderly male politicians caucusing in Washington to decide on the rights of our bodies. Aside from the politics of what they were trying to do, there were no women present at that meeting of the males. It is as we were invisible.
So, this time when the politicos again came a storming at our door, in the guise of the old and tired, “Mommy Wars”, after Hilary Rosen made an inappropriate comment about Ann Romney, “never working a day in her life,” instead of getting divisive we changed the conversation.
We changed the conversation to one of issues not “pass the tissues”. We demanded that government take note that women are 50% of the electoral vote and asked them to stop treating us as a special interest group; we insisted that policies be enacted to support women and mothers; to provide paid family leave, paid sick days, quality and affordable child care, fair wages and end the war on women.
And make no mistake, this is a war on women.
In October of this year, a new ruling to the credit card act Regulation Z went into effect via the Federal Reserve Board and the ruling prevents a woman from getting a credit card in her own name based on her partner’s salary, even if she had a good credit rating prior to making the decision to stay at home. The new rule states that “credit card applications generally cannot request a consumer’s ‘household income’ because that term is too vague to allow issuers to properly evaluate the consumer’s ability to pay. Instead, issuers must consider the consumer’s individual income or salary.” Translation: the partner making the income will need to co-sign if you want a credit card and aren’t working for an income. Shocking, right? This sets women back one hundred years. This also means that women and mothers in abusive relationships have one more layer of control to fight against (and one more way they can be made to feel unequal in the relationship).
Debra Levy, a past Board President of Mothers & More first wrote about the issue back in March 2011 in a guest post on Kristin Maschka’s blog. Kristin is a former Director of Mothers & More and the author of Remodeling Motherhood, which redesigns the concept of “ownership of income for the breadwinner of the family” to that of ‘shared income, based on contributions, paid or unpaid from the members of the family”.
The title of her post was: “Stay-at-Home Moms SHOULD be Mad at the Feds“.
Following Debra’s post, Tara Brettholtz, president of the Board of Directors of Mothers & More, and Gina Earles, the CEO of Mothers & More wrote a letter to Dr. Elizabeth Warren at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau last year expressing their concerns about the ruling. The letter was also sent to the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve.
There was no response.
“Since over 80 percent of women in our nation have children by the time they’re 44 years old, this means the majority of women in our nation are disadvantaged by discrimination at some point in their lives,” As Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner on her blog on www.MomsRising.org.
These are alarming statistics. If we don’t see and shout our value to the world, we will remain invisible, and our work of caretaking, and supporting society and our community will remain invisible.
So who will help women and mothers? If you are looking toward established mainstream journalists, yes, somewhat, but look again. It is the bloggers who will bring forth a new generation of politically involved women (and we have to be involved, it’s a matter of our survival). These woman and mothers in the trenches know what is at stake. Bloggers are giving motherhood and the invisible work of motherhood a voice heard like never before in the history of our culture (since Gloria Steinem, my idol, created Ms. magazine).
Make no mistake. We are in a revolution. At stake: our value, our survival.
I will be working in the next few months and years on ways to give women a voice in government; a voice “around corporate America” policy, and a voice on the national stage. I will be providing tools and specific tips you can follow on how to create the change in your life that you want to see in the world.
In the meantime, there is much work to be done. Join Mothers & More, which touts the value of a mothers work whether paid or unpaid, provides opportunities to connect with like-minded women, and offers chances to give back to the community and economically disadvantaged women through advocacy efforts like Power of the Purse. You can also check out www.MomsRising.org, which highlights the issues and provides links to letters you can sign that go straight to policy makers;. Pay attention to bills on the table that will take away your rights and write to your local congressperson via writing to the United States House of Representatives.
Will you join me? Rise up and be heard. Together women and mothers are powerful!
Estelle Sobel Erasmus is a journalist, columnist, author, blogger, content curator, advocate for mothers’ rights, former magazine Editor-in-Chief (American Breast Cancer Guide, Women in Touch, Woman’s Own, Esthetique, Body by Jake), writer for hundreds of national publications and websites, blogger, social media aficionado, former adjunct professor at NYU and most importantly a mom. She recently read for Listen To Your Mother-NYC. You can like her author page on Facebook and follow her on Twitter at @mommymusings011.
©Estelle Sobel Erasmus, April 2012
A sentence I never thought I would hate to hear is, “So, are you now going to try for a boy, now?” What’s silly about this question is that some believe I have mystical powers of choosing the sex of my unborn child. It is common knowledge that women, like myself, cannot conceive without help of a man (or sperm) and we [including men] cannot ask science and God for a specific gender. It’s simply impossible and if you believe you can decide then you should be seen as a Prophet. What’s also aggravating about this question is that many asked me while I was pregnant!
So, if you were wondering what’s my answer, it’s no. Even more appropriately, the answer is hell motha-flippin nawh! After three failed attempts to bring a second child to this world, I felt that I wasn’t able to give my daughter a sibling that she had been begging for. I felt extremely sad and almost lost hope that I would be able to have another child. However, with the help of modern-day medicine and lots [and I mean loads] of prayers, I gave birth to my second beautiful daughter, Emilia. She is definitely the beat of my heart as her sister is the soul that keeps me alive. Since it was harder to conceive the second time around, I have learned that I cannot beg for more than what I have been given. Therefore, I know it’s a blessing and a privilege to even bear a child.
Though, there are some that say that a girl is great to have but you need to pass down the family name. Yes, a man can physically pass down his family name but so can a woman. Are women just seen as property passed down from one family to the next? Is her sole purpose in life is to have her change her family name and bear children? This idea may be accepted by in the 18th century, but come on; we have approached a new millennium. I assure you my parents did not treat me as “property” and I will be damned if my daughters were.
Traditionally and legally, Iranian women do not change their surname, even in marriage, so my parents and many family members were quite ticked off when I did change my surname. Like a man, I will forever be known by many by my maiden name Fouladi. The idea we miss when we are passing the family name is honor and respect. We can have several boys to keep the family name alive but without honor and respect it almost becomes pointless. A girl also needs to pass down these wonderful qualities. Even through my own marriage, I kept the honor and pride of my family’s name. Like most men, I take care of my parents and maintain respect of my elders. I have worked and taken care of my own family. Just like a man, when I am married, I did not lose my brother, uncles, aunts, cousins or even my own parents. It’s a privilege that a man is able to share a life with a woman who not only loves him but also her past and her own family she brings into their future. But, if you ask me if I am going to try for a third, I will let you know that I am not a baby factory! But, God willingly, if it’s in my destiny I’ll gladly accept him or her… [but I really do hate sleepless nights and poop on my hands].
Farzaneh “Fari” Fouladi Bearman can be found taking care of her two precious girls and blogging at The Misadventures of Majestic Tulip, the not so Naval Officer’s wife.
I am the mother of three children—Jeremy, 3, Rebekah, 2 and Douglas, 7 weeks. I have become accustomed to hearing loud noises outside my field of vision; most of them make me cringe. I can feel my children’s’ pain even if I haven’t seen them get injured. I am isolated from most news stories because, as I inform my husband, they don’t interrupt Olivia for a special news break.
I have, however, been watching the news carefully over the past few weeks. My dad sent me the link to an article about the ongoing famine in Somalia. At 29 years of age, a mother of two had to make what the Associated Press called a “tortured choice.” She walked for two weeks from Somalia to Kenya with her 1-year-old on her back and her 4-year-old at her side. She was trying to escape her war-torn and famine-ravaged country, trying to take her children to a place where they could have food and water. Near the end of her journey, the article goes on to say, her 4-year-old son collapsed. She had very little water left and poured a little on his head, but he was unconscious. Those around her did not stop because they were also fighting to live. Seeing that he was not waking up, she left him on the side of the road, so that she could carry her 1-year-old to safety.
The article mentions other parents who have had to make the same choice. A worker in the refugee camps says that it’s common for mothers to suffer PTSD after abandoning their children. They have nightmares about their children, and the choice they had to make. I am 33 years old. Jeremy will be 4 years old in a few weeks. In my wildest dreams, I cannot fathom making a choice like that.
I have scanned the news and Internet for more coverage of this story. I talked about it at length with my husband. I am frustrated that, as a country, we seem only interested in helping countries whose chief export is oil. I have been praying every day for answers on how to help these mothers who are half a world away. I’m hoping that somehow a solution will become clear.
I still cringe every night when I don’t see any coverage of this story on the local or national news. I hope you will, too.
For the article mentioned, click here.
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